~Spin the Hobbit~
by Pointy-Eared Bowtwanger
Summary: *Mild slash* Very silly stuff.......
1. Spin the bottle?

Dislaimer…. I suppose I have to do this.  
  
I do not own them. Well, except Legolas, I keep him locked up in the bathroom with all my lovely haircare stuff… wouldn't want that lovely, silk, long blonde hair to get messy now…. *sighs dreamily*… um, where was I? Oh yes, no, I do not own them! Unfortunately.  
  
  
  
~Spin the Hobbit~ Or ~The massacre of Spin the Bottle~  
  
The fellowship lazed around Bag-end. Gandalf smoked lazily on his pipe, creating smoke armies of elves and men and a giant fluffy lump for Sauron. Legolas was kneeling in front of a hobbit-sized mirror, brushing his hair, and braiding it. The hobbits were playing strip poker, and had reduced poor Frodo to his nether-garments. Sam was playing the best round, though there seemed to be more cards than when they had started.  
  
Gimli was sharpening his axe in the corner, next to Aragorn who was chatting to Arwen on his mobile. He ended the call by making disgustingly sickening elf-kissy noises. Sighing, he grinned cheerfully round the others.  
  
"What do you feel like doing?" He asked, clapping his hands like a youth worker about to force games onto unruly teenagers. Legolas examined the top of his head, then, satisfied that there weren't any tangles, turned to face the others.  
  
"Like there's anything to do in this hobbit infested…. Natural paradise…" He trailed off and realised that four hobbit death gazes were fixed on him. "The best damn place in middle earth…" He grinned nervously; the hobbits went back to their game. Legolas sighed in relief, his fear of the hobbits was well founded; the hobbits were quite vicious, along with the fact that they were groin height and had particularly sharp teeth.  
  
"I seem to recall a game that the young Gondorians used to play… spin the bottle, or some such thing." Gandalf said, puffing slowly away.  
  
Frodo looked up from his hand, realising he was losing and had only his loincloth left, and decided to play this new game.  
  
They sat in a circle around the room, mainly on the floor, except for Aragorn, who insisted on the chair seeing as he is royalty and all. Legolas sighed and flicked his hair back over his shoulder. The hobbits were arguing over who would empty the bottle before using it, and Gimli was still sharpening his axe.  
  
"So how does this work, Gandalf?" Frodo asked, wrapped in Sam's old Elven cloak.  
  
"Well." Started the old Istari, brushing biscuit crumbs off his cloak. "One person spins the bottle, and whoever the bottle lands on, the person has to kiss." 


	2. Legolas and...

A deathly silence fell upon the room. Everyone except Gandalf tried to avoid each other's gaze, until Legolas finally broke the silence.  
  
"Hey, it's only kissing... I remember a game I used to play where we had to strip off and..." He was hastily interrupted by Aragorn.  
  
"Yes alright Legolas." Then he sat up and straightened his shirt (which had on it the royal crest of two dragons doing.... something, the people who had drawn it obviously didnt know what dragons looked like.) "Frodo, as the former Ringbearer, you may start." Frodo grumbled something about titles and idiotic kings, then reached out and spun the bottle. Too hard. It slid over the tiled floor and hit the knee of Gimli, who promptly smashed it into little pieces with his axe.  
  
"Gimli!" Pippin cried in despair, being comforted by Merry slapping his shoulder a couple of times, also giving him a dead arm.  
  
"What shall we do now?" Frodo turned to Gandalf who was reaching into one of his many pockets for some more weed.  
  
"Spin something else." He said, distractedly. They all thought hard for a while, then one by one, their gaze fell on the unsuspecting hobbit, who had his head down in deep thought (or sleep, hard to tell which).  
  
The hobbit didnt notice the mini-conspiracy going on around him. He was trying to pull something from a pocket in his shirt. He had just about managed to get it free when he was grabbed by two pairs of hands. He yelped.  
  
"Now, just stay still Frodo." Legolas said from one side.  
  
"This wont hurt." Aragorn finished off, as they dumped the hobbit in the middle of the circle. "Now, who's going first?"  
  
"I think Thamwithe thould go firtht." Gimli piped up from the corner.  
  
"Oh, and why is that, Gimpli?" Legolas scoffed next to him, braiding his hair one-handed, whilst the other held Frodo in the middle.  
  
"Legolath!" The dwarf protethted... sorry, protested. "Awagorn, Legolath ith being a big ole meanie head." He picked up his axe and sulked as Aragorn ignored him.  
  
"Maybe Sam should go first." Frodo suggested meakly, painfully aware of Legolas and Aragorns strong grip.  
  
"Noooo, Mr Frodo." Sam piped up, hiding the extra cards from the poker game in his sleeve. "I think Aragorn should go first, seeing as he is king and all." Frodo whimpered.  
  
"Good idea, Samwise Gamgee!" He said, sitting up straight in an attempt to look royal and majestic.  
  
"Your fly's undone." Pippin pointed out. Aragorn blushed and quickly fastened it up. Merry turned to Pippin.  
  
"Since when have we had zips?" He asked, throwing his arm round Pippins shoulders. The younger hobbit shrugged.  
  
"When's afternoon tea?"  
  
"lets just play this game first." Aragorn said, realizing nothing was going to happen if the hobbits got their way. Grumbling slightly about empty stomachs, Pippin and Merry settled on the floor next to each other. "Right, me first." He leant forward, then a little more as Frodo tried to sink into the floor. Grabbing Frodos shoulder, he spun him, hard. Frodo screamed as he whirled round on the surprisingly slippy tiled floor. When he had stopped spinning, and was staring dreamily at the little gold rings floating round his head, Aragorn checked who he was to kiss. Which was easier said than done.  
  
Frodo had become uncurled in the mad spin, and was laying starfished out on the floor. His right leg was pointing to Merry, his left to Sam, right arm to Legolas and left to Gimli. His head was towards Aragorn.  
  
"Well..." Started Aragorn.  
  
"Yes." Agreed Legolas.  
  
"Thpin him again." Said Gimli, still clutching his axe. "And kith whoever hith head landth on." Aragorn shrugged and reached forward. Frodo, however, had realised what was about to happen, and screamed (orgasmically) again, scrambling backwards till he landed in Sam's lap (recommend it, wish you were here).  
  
"Hello Mr Frodo." Sam said cheerfully.  
  
"Oh Sam." He whimpered and clung to the other hobbit.  
  
"Well, what are we going to spin now?" Legolas asked, as Aragorn sat down again, grumbling.  
  
"I was gonna say use this." Frodo piped up, holding up the little bottle Galadriel had given him. It shone faintly. Very faintly. "Wait a minute." Frodo peered at the bottle. "Wheres it all gone?" All eyes turned to Sam, who blushed.  
  
"Well, you must admit the garden is glowing this summer..." Frodo just gaped at him.  
  
"You watered the garden with it?" Merry asked, grinning. Pippin giggled.  
  
"Well, I watered it down, so it wouldnt run out..." Sam trailed off as Frodo continued to gape at him. "Sorry, Mr Frodo."  
  
Aragorn, feeling that he needed to take control of the situation, coughed loudly. Legolas slapped his back hard.  
  
"Im not choking you idiot." He snapped, then turned back to the hobbits. "Good idea Frodo, now, put the bottle in the middle." Frodo continued to gape. "Frodo!" Pippin waved his hand in front of Frodo's face.  
  
"You... watered... the garden.... with it?" He managed to stutter. Sam blushed again.  
  
"Frodo!" Frodo jumped and dropped the bottle. It slid into the middle of the room, and Legolas heard Aragorn sigh 'finally' under his breath.  
  
He leant forward and spun it. It spun around, and round and round and round and round.... "Im getting dizzy." Complained Pippin... and stopped on....  
  
Legolas. 


	3. Sam and...

Legolas and Aragorn regarded each other.  
  
"I guess it could be worse." Aragorn said.  
  
"I guess..." Legolas didn't sound convinced.  
  
"We may as well just get it over with." Aragorn blushed slightly and stared at his feet.  
  
"Okay." Legolas agreed and leant forward.  
  
"We dont want to make a big deal of it, i mean." Aragorn said, shuffling back a bit. Legolas sighed.  
  
"Okay!" And he leant forward again.  
  
"We're just good friends, arent we." Aragorn was leaning back in his seat.  
  
"Aragorn!" Legolas snapped, leaning forward. Aragorn leant further back in his seat till he was practically lying down and couldnt get down any further. Legolas had to nearly crawl over him, then leant down and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. Then he sat back down and waited for Aragorn to follow suit.  
  
"You call that a kiss?" Merry called out, smirking. Legolas glared at him. Aragorn sat back up and tried to stop blushing.  
  
"Your turn Lego." The hobbits sniggered.  
  
"Dont call me Lego." Legolas hissed at the King of Gondor, then reached towards the bottle.  
  
"Okay Leggy..." The rest of the Fellowship saw the elf visibly tense, Merry and Pippin were quickly betting on whether he'd reach for his dagger, "um, Legolas." Aragorn finished lamely. Shuddering slightly, Legolas reached for the bottle.  
  
And spun...  
  
Pippin.  
  
Aragorn smirked. Pippin grinned. Legolas groaned. "Go on Lego..." The elf's hand made its way around Aragorn's throat, "Las." Legolas sighed and knelt in the middle of the room. Pippin stood up and grinned, rubbing his hands together.  
  
"I'm warning you now halfling, if they go anywhere near me..." Pippin just smiled innocently. Then he moved forward, with his hands behind his back. Legolas squeezed his eyes shut and pouted. Then yelped as Pippin grabbed his head and kissed him frantically. He grabbed Pippin's sides and tried to shove him away, but Pippin just tightened his grip in Legolas' long, blonde, silky.... sorry bout that, hair. Realising he couldn't get the frisky hobbit off him, Legolas waited till Pippin had to breathe, then managed to twist out of his embrace. He quickly sat back in his seat, and tried to avoid Aragorn's smirk.  
  
"You do yoga, don't you?" Legolas didn't look up. "Lego?" The elf blushed. "Lego? Legoland? Leggy? Leg..." An Elven arm lashed out. Aragorn landed unceremoniously on his bottom.  
  
"Don't push it." He growled.  
  
Pippin just grinned, and leant for the bottle. He spun it. And it landed on Sam.  
  
"Samwise!" Pippin reached forward and grabbed Sam's hand, pulling him forward, away from Frodo's grasp.  
  
"Mr frodo..." Sam managed to gasp before Pippins arms slid round his neck and he was being kissed by the younger hobbit. Merry was laughing behind Pippin, Frodo just gaped (he does that a lot, I've noticed), Legolas stared at them and Aragorn stared at Legolas. Gimli was sharpening his axe in the corner. Gandalf was still smoking weed.  
  
"Well, thats an eye-opener and no mistake." Sam managed to gasp when Pippin let go. Pippin giggled.  
  
"Your turn Sam." Legolas pointed out, fiddling idly with the end of his belt, not noticing Aragorn's fixed gazed. Sam blushed again and reached forward, spinning it.  
  
It landed on... 


	4. Pippin and...

Frodo. Well, that is to say, it landed on Sam, but seeing as Frodo was sitting in his lap, and he couldn't kiss himself, the unanimous unspoken decision was that he was to kiss Frodo, and to save any uncalled for lengthy explanations to things that don't need explaining.  
  
"Mr Frodo?" Sam asked timidly, seeing Frodo smile reassuringly.  
  
"Its okay Sam." He leant up and let his hand tangle in Sam's soft, curly hair, the other clutching Sams waist. Sam's breath caught in his throat, as Frodo closed his eyes and tilted his head upwards slightly. The light from the nearby window spilled across the younger hobbits face, and Sam wanted nothing more at that moment than to be that light; to drown the object of his affections utterly and completely in his love.  
  
Gimli sniffed and wiped a tear from his eye. "That wath tho beautiful..." He sobbed.  
  
Sam slid his hand round Frodo's head, to pull him closer, and pressed their lips together for a chaste kiss. Frodo had other ideas, and tightened his grip in Sam's hair, deepening the kiss, and let himself give in completely.  
  
Legolas sighed, "Its so romantic."  
  
They broke away from each other, gasping for air, but immediately wanting to go back, wanting more of each other. Their eyes met, and Sam felt himself getting lost in the deep pools of blue.  
  
"Oh Sam." Frodo sighed and let himself lean against his love, feeling Sam hold him close, and smiled happily.  
  
Merry and Pippin were pretending to be sick, until Legolas reached over and smacked them.  
  
"Its romantic, you uncultured fools." He snapped, then turned to the loved- up hobbits. "Your turn Frodo." Frodo sighed and pulled away from Sam, leant forward and spun the bottle.  
  
It landed on Merry.  
  
Merry frowned and folded his arms.  
  
"Not gonna do it." He said, looking round the fellowship. Frodo sighed.  
  
"We may as well just do it Merry." He said, trying to ignore the heartbreaking look on Sam's face. Merry just frowned more.  
  
"Get on with it Merry." Pippin piped up next to him.  
  
"No! I don't kiss men!" Merry snapped, glaring at the youngest hobbit. Pippin bit his lip, and glanced down. "Ah... Sorry Pippin, I dont kiss other men." Pippin grinned and shuffled closer to Merry. Legolas and Frodo exchanged glances.  
  
"Please Merry, just do it." Legolas tried again. Merry sighed.  
  
"Okay, but just a little one." He said, then closed his eyes and waited. Frodo disentangled himself from Sam and shuffled towards Merry, falling over twice on the way. Finally he reached Merry, and leant forward. And fell over, right onto the other hobbit. They landed in a heap, Frodo lying on Merry's chest. Frodo shook his head, gazed.  
  
"You may as well kiss him now, Frodo." Legolas called out, then glanced at Aragorn. He did a comical double-take when he saw the look on Aragorn's face. He shifted uncomfortably and tried to focus on Frodo and Merry.  
  
Frodo shrugged and leant down, pushing his lips against Merry's, then pulled away. Merry stared up at him. Frodo stared back for a split second, before launching into a full on kiss, his hands holding Merry to him. Sam whimpered, and Frodo pulled away.  
  
"Oh Sam." He sighed and wandered back to the other hobbit, sliding back into his arms and kissing him on the nose. Merry sat up and straightened his waistcoat.  
  
"Yes... well. My turn, I believe."  
  
Legolas slid across the floor away from Aragorn.  
  
Merry spun the bottle.  
  
Aragorn shuffled his chair along to sit next to Legolas.  
  
It landed on Pippin.  
  
"Woohoo!" Pippin yelped, grabbing Merry and kissing him hard, letting Merry's hands slip round his waist.  
  
Legolas stood up and moved over to sit next to Gimli. The dwarf looked up in surprise.  
  
"Legolath?"  
  
"Hey Gimli." Legolas said quickly, making sure Aragorn wasn't following him.  
  
"Wanna play with my axthe?" Gimli offered, innocently. Legolas stared at him, then backed away slowly. "Legolath? Whatth wong? Don't you wanna play with my axthe?" Legolas shook his head, then jumped as he backed into Gandalfs chair. Gandalf promptly hit him on the head with his staff.  
  
"Fool of an Elf." He muttered.  
  
Merry and Pippin were lying on the floor, still kissing. Sam and Frodo were gazing into each others eyes lovingly. Aragorn was watching Legolas be assaulted by Gandalf. Gimli was sharpening his axe.  
  
Finally, Merry and Pippin pulled away, gasping for breath. Legolas sat back next to Aragorn, grumbling and rubbing the top of his head. Aragorn winked at him.  
  
"Want me to kiss that better?" He murmured, huskily. Legolas glared at him.  
  
"Shut up Aragorn." Pippin was fastening the buttons on his waistcoat again, when they realised that Merry and Pippin had finished. "Go on then Pippin" Legolas called out, anxious to get on with the game. Pippin leant forward and spun the bottle quickly.  
  
It landed on… 


	5. Legolas (again) and...

Sorry this took so long. Appalling lack of inspiration. Oh well. Nearly finished tho!  
  
* * * * * * * * * * * *  
  
It landed on Aragorn.  
  
Pippin made a disgusted face.  
  
"I have to kiss the old guy?" Merry laughed, and Legolas barely managed to stifle his giggles. Frodo and Sam were too busy gazing lovingly into each other eyes. Gimli giggled.  
  
"Hey, Im not that old." Aragorn protested. "Im younger than Fro..." He thought about it for a second. "Bilbo." Legolas raised his eyebrows questioningly. "Practically."  
  
"Face it Strider. You're old." Merry said, and Pippin nodded enthusiastically. Legolas noticed Aragorn's hands clench into fists, and knew he was close to throwing the hobbits off the nearest cliff.  
  
"Well, it could be worse... it could be Gandalf." Gandalf looked up, frowned, then raised his staff. Legolas yelped as he was thrown backwards and held against the wall.  
  
"Gandalf, let Legolas down." Aragorn sighed, and Legolas was slowly lowered to the floor. He shuddered slightly.  
  
"Please Pip, just kiss him." He said, warily watching Gandalf. The old Istari grinned and winked mischievously before resuming smoking his pipe.  
  
"I don't want to!" Pippin snapped, folding his arms and pouting sulkily. Aragorn gritted his teeth, and stood up.  
  
"Come here Peregrin." He practically snarled, before leaping forward. Pippin yelped and scrambled to his feet, running behind Merry. Aragorn chased him round, and Pippin darted behind Gandalf's chair. Aragorn skidded to a halt in front of the wizard. "Gandalf..." He started, but Gandalf just grunted and clicked his fingers. Pippin yelped as he was thrown against the wall. "Thankyou." Aragorn stepped round Gandalf's chair and walked over to Pippin, who was squirming against the wall in an attempt to get free of the wizards spell. Aragorn rolled his eyes and leant forward, holding the young hobbits head still with one hand, and pressed his lips to Pippins. The hobbit jumped, then went limp against the wall, waiting until Aragorn had pulled away, and turned around.  
  
"Ew." He shuddered. "You desperately need a date with a razor Aragorn." Legolas laughed lightly, as Aragorn sat back next to him, grumbling. Merry slapped Pippin on his back as Gandalf let him sit back down.  
  
"Never mind Pip." He smiled, but Pippin merely brought his legs up and wrapped his arms round his knees, pouting slightly.  
  
"Your turn Aragorn." Frodo, who by now had returned to middle-earth from gazing lovingly into Sam's eyes, piped up. The ranger grumbled something about halflings, and Legolas was fairly sure he heard the words stupid and tasteless in their somewhere, then leant forward and spun the bottle.  
  
It landed on Sam.  
  
Sam blushed and disentangled himself from Frodo's clinging embrace. Aragorn sighed and knelt in the middle, waiting as Sam tried to stop Frodo hanging onto his ankle. Finally pulling the smaller hobbit from his leg, Sam stepped into the middle, still blushing.  
  
"Don't worry Sam." Aragorn said lightly, pulling the young hobbit closer. Sam hesitantly let his hands rest on the ranger's shoulders, and he closed his eyes and leant forward. Aragorn caught his lips in a gentle kiss.  
  
Sam leant into Aragorn's arms, as the ranger's hands gently stroked his back.  
  
Sam was suddenly yanked away and back into Frodo's embrace, leaving Aragorn still pouting in the middle. Realising how silly he looked, he quickly shuffled back to his seat. Sam was being given a very thorough kiss from Frodo, who had decided that Aragorn had looked like he was enjoying *his* gardener a little too much. When they finally pulled away by their rather pressing need for air, Sam leant forward and spun the bottle.  
  
It landed on Legolas.  
  
Frodo looked worried. Legolas was a contender for the most beautiful member of the fellowship title, and Sam did have a thing for elves. He bit his lip, as Legolas moved forward, knelt gracefully on one knee in front of Sam and kissed him soundly on the lips. Sam kind of squeaked, then kissed him back, his hands tangling in the long blonde (v nice) hair. Frodo frowned and did the best glare at the blonde elf (with the very nice hair). They finally pulled away, and Legolas smiled gently at the young hobbit, before disentangling Sam's fingers from his (v nice) hair and moving back to his seat.  
  
Aragorn was smiling at him. Legolas found this quite disconcerting, and tried to ignore him, as he leant forward to spin the bottle.  
  
It landed on… 


End file.
